I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
