I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
