Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
