I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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