Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
