I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
