We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
