She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
