I'm gonna have a badass scar
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
