I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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