haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
