when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
