that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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