Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
