Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sorry about my life...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
