They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
