watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Randomize
