Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
