he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
