i think i have two assholes
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
