Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
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Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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