Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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