I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
