she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
