Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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