and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
