Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
this must be what syphilis tastes like
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
