I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
