Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
