I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
