when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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