I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
