I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
