Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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