it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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