some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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