She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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