She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
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There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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