All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
