I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
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You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
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Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize