after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
