my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
