i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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