i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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