Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Is it penis luge time yet?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
