I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
