community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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