you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
