I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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