Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just had sex bonerless
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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