Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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