I could make wine with my vomit
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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