I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
