apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
