You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
