my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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