she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
