And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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