i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
