i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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