My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
