Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
