i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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