thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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