So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
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I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
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My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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