the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
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I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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