It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
