Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
