One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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