you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
