How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
