I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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