watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
