I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
