I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
