i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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