Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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