ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
