The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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